Understanding Perimenopause: A Personal Journey

I was around 41 when things started to change…I didn’t immediately think “perimenopause”. I thought I was failing to cope with life in a way I never had before. I now know I wasn’t failing at all – my hormones were shifting and having a far more significant effect than I could ever have imagined.

I hesitated before sharing this because it feels deeply personal. But given what I do for a living, and because health communication exists to raise awareness so people can live better lives, perhaps this might do just that – regardless of platform.

I don’t think I have ever truly stopped to digest what I have been through… but here we go.

I am by no means the first person to talk about perimenopause, and I certainly won’t be the last. So much of what I have read has resonated deeply with me, yet everyone’s experience is different. There may be something in here that you have felt but haven’t yet seen validated.

It started with strange things I couldn’t understand or easily attribute to ageing. Weight gain, tiredness, and brain fog feel more explainable but some things that were happening completely baffled me.

The things no one prepared me for – starting with a literal stinker

• Body odour. I had never had an issue before, yet it became so noticeable that I had to throw away some of my clothes.
• The social anxiety – oh my god, the social anxiety. It became so intense that I couldn’t face seeing some of my closest friends. The really frightening part was that I couldn’t even put on a brave face (we have all had those days). People noticed I withdrew but didn’t understand why, as I had always been the sociable one – “the one who brings the fun”. I didn’t know myself, or how to deal with it, so I didn’t… and that felt like losing part of my identity.
• Overthinking. I have always been relatively pragmatic – believing most things work out and that worrying rarely helps (especially about things outside of your control). Suddenly I was analysing every interaction, second-guessing how I was perceived, and replaying conversations long after they had ended. It was exhausting, and it only made the social anxiety worse.
• Irritability and lack of patience. Kids laughing, everyday noise, even my husband breathing at times… everything felt like a trigger. Completely out of character and often accompanied by extreme guilt.
• An enhanced cycle. I had been fortunate during my more fertile years – no significant PMT, cramps, or disruption. Periods came and went with ease. Now? I always know exactly where I am in my cycle, and learning to listen to my body has helped me understand my emotions far better.
• The bloating. Truly one of the worst symptoms. If I am lucky, there is about a week each month when I feel “normal” and comfortable in myself.
• Low mood. This is the hardest part to write. I am an eternal optimist with a naturally sunny disposition, yet there were moments when I found myself in a dark place – wondering what would happen if I just turned the wheel slightly and went off the road while driving, for example. Even typing that now feels exposing, but silence helps no one.
• Night sweats. Waking in a literal pool was quite something.
• An overwhelming need for sleep. It felt like a complete reversal – from being naturally wide awake with the birds to barely being able to drag myself out of bed on some days.

The isolation

No one seemed to fully understand what I was going through. At times, it felt as though people didn’t know how to respond. Even friends of a similar age did not appear to be experiencing the same changes. (Unfortunately, it also coincided with another life incident, which meant people were perhaps less able to hear me and in hindsight, I suspect the two were interlinked).

Finally being heard

Eventually, I went to my GP practice and saw a specialist nurse who was wonderful. She let me cry (and cry some more), properly listened, and suggested HRT.

What a game changer. Within months, I felt a bit more like myself again.

I know not everyone has a positive experience with primary care, but mine was exceptional. There is no single diagnostic test for perimenopause; recognition often depends on a healthcare professional hearing the pattern of symptoms.

I am so grateful she did.

I still struggle, but I feel infinitely better than I did. Talking openly has helped as well as reading and sharing articles. My friends and husband are supportive and far more informed than any of us were four years ago.

Why I am sharing this

Because if you are feeling unlike yourself and cannot quite explain why, please do not ignore it even if you have been told you are “too young”.

You are not imagining it. You are not “just ageing”. And you do not have to push through alone.

Speak to a healthcare professional. Talk to the people around you. Being heard can change everything.

If this helps even one person recognise what might be happening to them a little sooner, then sharing it will have been worth it.